Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
only if we run a train.
done.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
