I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
