You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
