:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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