Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
