had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
