Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How naked do you want me to be?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
