Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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