; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
4 words: hood of his car
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
