Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize