Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
