Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
