I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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