I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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