Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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