I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize