remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
