you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
