I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
