WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
40s are totally the cure
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
