she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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