what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
