Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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