He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
