I faked an abortion last night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
