who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
