Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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