Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
