In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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