And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
