I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
