I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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