im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
