then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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