I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
