I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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