oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
