We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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