found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
