Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
