did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
