Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
