In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize