dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
