What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
