Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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