just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
