my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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