Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
