Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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