Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize