Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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