nut hugger
This girl is more easily done than said...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
