Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
farters have to be the big spoon...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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