i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
