Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
