i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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