The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
