your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
