I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
BRING THE BAGELS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Holy shit dude........stairs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
