there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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