You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize