She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
