you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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