They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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