I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
