Your tits are I can't wait for
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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