She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
