I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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