is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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