just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
