I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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