i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
