Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
