Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
