my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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