is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
