Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
