one two three fourrrrnication!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
