Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
