She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she peed on how many people?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize