My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
