god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
