There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
