Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
