My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
