Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
