then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
