He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
