dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize