I hate your face
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
