I just threw up on my dentist
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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