I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
