Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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