the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
