Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
