Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
