The maid of honor just puked.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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