I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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