you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
