I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
