i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
