hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just gargled with NyQuil
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
