i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
