It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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